A Wife's Confessions
I know, it sounds like I'm sharing a bad reality show with you. But let me assure you, this is not the case.
Being a wife can be quite the challenge. Many of us grow up dreaming of finding the perfect man, the one who makes our hearts melt with one look across a crowded room. The romantic dates are followed by the love of our life getting down on one knee, pulling out a ring, and asking us the four little words we've dreamed of hearing for ages. We scream, or cry, or jump for joy when we answer with a hearty "YES!" and immediately wedding plans commence.
When the day arrives we wear the perfect dress, with the perfect shoes, carrying the perfect flowers, listen to the perfect songs, and share the most perfect kiss in front of friends and family.
From there the honeymoon takes all our attention as we relish in the fact we now share every bit of our lives with the person we've just married.
Everything is perfect!
Until it's not.
Now, don't get me wrong. Marriage to the right man is a wonderful experience. One I would never trade. But bear with me for a minute.
Many times we go into marriage thinking everything is going to be perfect, and in the first few days or weeks it typically is as we enjoy the long-awaited honeymoon with our new spouse. But what tends to be forgotten is that marriage takes a lot of effort in order to work.
When I married my husband I can honestly say that I didn't truly understand what all went into a marriage. My parents are wonderful examples of what a relationship between husband and wife should look like, and they make it look easy.
But in reality...
I often feel inadequate.
Many times within my first year of marriage I would sit down and study Proverbs 31. You have probably heard of the passage or may even know it well. The scripture talks of a virtuous woman. She is hard-working, loving, her children adore her, among many other things.
As I would sit and study the passage (Proverbs 31:10-31) I became discouraged.
You see, this woman seemed to have everything together. She is an early riser (Seriously, who in their right mind is a morning person!), her house is in order, she feeds and clothes her children and servants, she works to help provide for her family, her husband is well known and respected in the city, her children adore her and call her blessed. she speaks with wisdom and kindness.
Comparing myself to this woman became the single biggest mistake of my married life. She is perfect, and I am not.
At least that is what I thought at the time.
When I married my husband we both worked at our college in the Housekeeping department. During the summer we spent our entire day cleaning dorms or classrooms, scrubbing floors, shampooing carpets, and more. The last thing I wanted to do was come home and clean my own bathroom or vacuum my own floors. So often times I didn't.
When school began again and our schedules filled more. Cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry... all became things I set aside in order to do homework, or chill and watch a movie with my husband.
We graduated and our lives changed... but I didn't.
It got to the point where housework became the least of my worries and often fell by the wayside. But the cleaning wasn't the only thing. My relationship with God fell by the wayside as well.
When that happened other things in life were affected. My relationship with my husband became harder to maintain and our disagreements came more often. (Not that I could tell you what we argued about now, but one thing I do know for sure, it wasn't worth it.)
There were times in the first few years where I would go hide in my closet and cry my eyes out because things were not going as I imagined they would when first considering marriage. My husband and I would argue, the house was never cleaned as I thought it should be, and I often felt as though I was not the wife my husband deserved.
What was I supposed to do?
Pray!
When things get tough in a relationship you don't just hide in a closet and cry, you go to the person and work things out.
It took me several tries to understand what the root of the problem was. The issue was not that my husband and I were not compatible, or that we didn't love each other anymore. No! The real problem was that I allowed my relationship with my Heavenly Father to fall by the wayside.
You see, when I would sit down daily and read my Bible and have a conversation with God about my life, my relationship with my husband, my fears, my failures... the rest of my life would fall into place.
When I allowed myself to stray from my relationship with my Savior, that is when the arguments, exhaustion, and overall frustration with life would increase.
Now, nine years after marrying the love of my life, and three kids, the same is still true. If I don't take time in my day and week to maintain my relationship with my Lord then my other relationships suffer. I become short-tempered with my children, my frustration over the constant state of my house increases, my complete exhaustion grows.
I cannot stress to you enough the importance of keeping God first in your life. I know things can get busy, I have three kids after all. I am fully aware of how challenging making time in your day to have a conversation with your Savior can be. But I also know how crucial keeping that relationship healthy is.
I often studied and compared myself to the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31. In the first few years of being a wife, I didn't understand the passage. I simply saw her strength and my failures.
But now?
Now I see the truth. The woman in Proverbs is by no means perfect. I am sure that she had days where she simply wanted to crawl into the corner of her closet with a large box of chocolates and cry her eyes out. Her children would drive her crazy, and her husband would get on her nerves.
However, the real virtue in a woman can be measured in her relationship with God. The Proverbs 31 woman surely had a close relationship with God. She worked hard and did her best to provide and care for her family.
I still strive to be like the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31. But now I know I don't have to be perfect. I must simply keep God first, and do my best for my family.
Being a wife can be quite the challenge. Many of us grow up dreaming of finding the perfect man, the one who makes our hearts melt with one look across a crowded room. The romantic dates are followed by the love of our life getting down on one knee, pulling out a ring, and asking us the four little words we've dreamed of hearing for ages. We scream, or cry, or jump for joy when we answer with a hearty "YES!" and immediately wedding plans commence.
When the day arrives we wear the perfect dress, with the perfect shoes, carrying the perfect flowers, listen to the perfect songs, and share the most perfect kiss in front of friends and family.
From there the honeymoon takes all our attention as we relish in the fact we now share every bit of our lives with the person we've just married.
Everything is perfect!
Until it's not.
Now, don't get me wrong. Marriage to the right man is a wonderful experience. One I would never trade. But bear with me for a minute.
Many times we go into marriage thinking everything is going to be perfect, and in the first few days or weeks it typically is as we enjoy the long-awaited honeymoon with our new spouse. But what tends to be forgotten is that marriage takes a lot of effort in order to work.
When I married my husband I can honestly say that I didn't truly understand what all went into a marriage. My parents are wonderful examples of what a relationship between husband and wife should look like, and they make it look easy.
But in reality...
I often feel inadequate.
Many times within my first year of marriage I would sit down and study Proverbs 31. You have probably heard of the passage or may even know it well. The scripture talks of a virtuous woman. She is hard-working, loving, her children adore her, among many other things.
As I would sit and study the passage (Proverbs 31:10-31) I became discouraged.
You see, this woman seemed to have everything together. She is an early riser (Seriously, who in their right mind is a morning person!), her house is in order, she feeds and clothes her children and servants, she works to help provide for her family, her husband is well known and respected in the city, her children adore her and call her blessed. she speaks with wisdom and kindness.
Comparing myself to this woman became the single biggest mistake of my married life. She is perfect, and I am not.
At least that is what I thought at the time.
When I married my husband we both worked at our college in the Housekeeping department. During the summer we spent our entire day cleaning dorms or classrooms, scrubbing floors, shampooing carpets, and more. The last thing I wanted to do was come home and clean my own bathroom or vacuum my own floors. So often times I didn't.
When school began again and our schedules filled more. Cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry... all became things I set aside in order to do homework, or chill and watch a movie with my husband.
We graduated and our lives changed... but I didn't.
It got to the point where housework became the least of my worries and often fell by the wayside. But the cleaning wasn't the only thing. My relationship with God fell by the wayside as well.
When that happened other things in life were affected. My relationship with my husband became harder to maintain and our disagreements came more often. (Not that I could tell you what we argued about now, but one thing I do know for sure, it wasn't worth it.)
There were times in the first few years where I would go hide in my closet and cry my eyes out because things were not going as I imagined they would when first considering marriage. My husband and I would argue, the house was never cleaned as I thought it should be, and I often felt as though I was not the wife my husband deserved.
What was I supposed to do?
Pray!
When things get tough in a relationship you don't just hide in a closet and cry, you go to the person and work things out.
It took me several tries to understand what the root of the problem was. The issue was not that my husband and I were not compatible, or that we didn't love each other anymore. No! The real problem was that I allowed my relationship with my Heavenly Father to fall by the wayside.
You see, when I would sit down daily and read my Bible and have a conversation with God about my life, my relationship with my husband, my fears, my failures... the rest of my life would fall into place.
When I allowed myself to stray from my relationship with my Savior, that is when the arguments, exhaustion, and overall frustration with life would increase.
Now, nine years after marrying the love of my life, and three kids, the same is still true. If I don't take time in my day and week to maintain my relationship with my Lord then my other relationships suffer. I become short-tempered with my children, my frustration over the constant state of my house increases, my complete exhaustion grows.
I cannot stress to you enough the importance of keeping God first in your life. I know things can get busy, I have three kids after all. I am fully aware of how challenging making time in your day to have a conversation with your Savior can be. But I also know how crucial keeping that relationship healthy is.
I often studied and compared myself to the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31. In the first few years of being a wife, I didn't understand the passage. I simply saw her strength and my failures.
But now?
Now I see the truth. The woman in Proverbs is by no means perfect. I am sure that she had days where she simply wanted to crawl into the corner of her closet with a large box of chocolates and cry her eyes out. Her children would drive her crazy, and her husband would get on her nerves.
However, the real virtue in a woman can be measured in her relationship with God. The Proverbs 31 woman surely had a close relationship with God. She worked hard and did her best to provide and care for her family.
I still strive to be like the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31. But now I know I don't have to be perfect. I must simply keep God first, and do my best for my family.
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